i re-opened my etsy shop!

(i also opened up a secret shop with secret merchandise, free item if you can figure out which shop is mine. ha!)

i’ve decided to start blogging again. you know…because i have all this extra time on my hands. i wish.
i really just need to write some thoughts out.
today i wanted desperately to have lyla’s birthmoms phone number so that i could call her up and tell her what an amazing little girl she is and what amazing things she is doing now.
lyla is 14 months old now and so completely unaware of all that she has gone through in her short life. i seem to be more and more aware of it each day.
each day i fall more and more in love with lyla. each day i wonder how much her birth mother must be thinking about her. how much she is missing. how sad and wonderful it is all at the same time.
in the mean time…i’m going to try to continue to be this person God has asked me to be…..

1. when she goes to bed at night and i have to wait 11 hours to see her again. total bummer!

(it’s short, but..hey…i blogged!!!)

yes, we are home!
we had a more than amazing time in ethiopia! we fell in love and we fell hard.
lyla is a dream. she is just beyond adorable and fun and smiley and all things lovable.
it still doesn’t feel real that she is with us.

i don’t know how to upload pictures of her to the blog, sorry! maarten will have to do that.
i’ve been thinking about the whole process of what we just went through.
i mean, if we wanted a child…i could have given birth to one…or we could have adopted domestically.
but, both of us felt a call to international adoption.
but, i really couldn’t tell you a reason until now that we have completed the process and gone half way around the world to bring one child to our home. all of that for this one child? why? there are so many children in the u.s. who need homes.
until we went to ethiopia and saw.
international adoption didn’t just change lyla’s life. it changed ours.
the experience of going to ethiopia and seeing life in a distant land is one of a kind. it changes everything. everything! our whole perspective on life is different.
for the better.
and so we are thankful for lyla…and to our God….to give us such a unique and wonderful life changing experience.
people keep asking me if it was “hard” to adopt. the answer is YES. it was the hardest thing i’ve ever waded through…and i would do it over a million times just to see lyla’s sweet smile.
so, if you are thinking about adoption…or international adoption…..especially to ethiopia….then i will ask you if you are ready to have your existence shaken to its core. i hope your answer is yes…it’s completely worth it.

this is it.
if i were to write a book, this is the one that i would have written.
it’s so perfect.
you can read the whole thing online here:
awesome book
we bought it for lyla for christmas. she will know this, and the bible. education complete.
or something.

it was july 13, 1985. i was 10.
on the t.v. were musicians….singing their hearts out…i knew who some of them were, but not many.
it was live aid.
never had i seen anything like it.
i sat glued to the t.v….
because they were playing video of what was going on in ethiopia…the starving.
videos like this one:
and…my eyes were opened. no longer did i belong to a small town. i was a citizen of the world. i knew i would never be able to forget what i saw.
and…so it began…
the thinking about adoption.
and…when reality came to be, i had no idea that i would find myself back to ethiopia 25 years later. we thought it would be china. but, God had other plans.
and, now i know it was His plan all along. to open my eyes. and to open maarten’s eyes as well…to the needs of others.
i think about our sweet girl’s birthmom. was she there in ethiopia during that terrible famine?
and i know…God has been knitting this story together for quite some time.
HE IS so good. because he allows us to know hope. and to open our eyes…

december 4th!
yay!

it was september 15, 2009. a tuesday. 4:45 p.m.
it was our first week of fall classes.
maarten was teaching a class of 6 VERY excited 1st and 2nd graders. miss alma was in the same room with her kindergarten class. and miss holly, it was her FIRST day working at van grow, was in the pottery room with her class. i was in the office returning phone calls.
i had JUST hung up the phone with one mom, when the phone rang again. it was an 817 number, but it wasn’t any of the gladney numbers i had saved on my phone. and it didn’t show up as “unknown” or “withheld”.
myth and legend dismissed.
me: Van Grow, this is Hanna
mary: hi hanna, this is mary
me: [silence]
mary: do you know why i’m calling?
me: [silence]
mary: this is it, we have a referral for you
me: [silence]
mary: are you ok?
me: i think i’m going to faint
mary: you are ok, this is a natural reaction. is maarten there?
me: he’s teaching a class
mary: do you have access to a computer?
me: they are at home. oh wait, maybe one of the moms has a laptop here. (i stand up, poke out of the office and stammer..”do you guys have a laptop?” they answer “no”.)
mary: can you get maarten?

at this point i walked into the classroom where maarten had 6 very excited kids all vying for his attention all at once. i said “maarten” (he didn’t hear me)..so i said it again slightly louder (he still didn’t hear me)…again louder “maarten”…no response. finally…MAARTEN!!!! (this time sobbing)…”MAARTEN, MARY IS ON THE PHONE!!!”

maarten: [blank stare]
me: it’s time
mary: hanna, call me when you get home.
me: ok

this is where the sobbing really got going. the kids were staring at me with there mouths open and quizzical looks on their faces. i kept saying “i’m ok!” “it’s a good cry” “it’s about the baby”
so, maarten and i started running around giving everyone instructions on what to do while we headed home. i think i asked alma five times to please watch the back doors at pick up.

we jumped in the car, holding hands as tightly as we could and me sobbing in that spastic hiccupping sort of way. (fort worthians) we got caught at the light at university!!! (you know the one)
we waited and waited and waited. finally, i hollered and sobbed “it’s…never…going…to…change”.
and then it did.
all the way home, we hit every single red light…all the way through downtown. it was nearly unbearable. i could have ran home faster, and almost did.
maarten and i just kept repeating over and over that we couldn’t believe this was actually happening.
FINALLY we got home and raced inside and up the stairs. grabbed the phone and called mary.
no answer.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
called again.
she answered right away.
so, we checked email and the rest is history…we are in love. she is lovely and precious. we accepted her referral and we are now waiting on a court date.
much discussion went on and on about her name and we officially decided this past sunday.
“lyla james”
lyla because it was just about the prettiest name we could think of…she needed a pretty, delicate, feminine name. and james, for our sweet jim who passed away just 4 days before our call. their lives will be intertwined forever and we are so thrilled for her to have that heritage.
we are thrilled beyond belief. nana, papo, grandma and grandpa, aunt and uncles, niece and nephew and many sweet friends are all totally enamored with her as well.
we can’t wait to get her in our arms!
and that is how it happened….

beautiful baby girl!
7 weeks old!
9.5 pounds and 22 inches long!
cute freckles on her nose!
cute little toes!

more later, i’m sort of delirious!